Monday, December 23, 2013

Issue 53. Out Now.

How fucked up is it that Target refuses to sell Beyonce's new record? What the hell is the world coming to?! I've said it before and I'll say it again; Look at her bum! It's insanely perfect! Not just that either, she really knows how to work it...and Twerk it! I say fuck Target and download this mother of a record on iTunes and leave everything else you own in a box to the left! What does all this have to do with Issue 53 I hear you say? Well absolutely nothing, but I needed to get this off my chest and give a shout out to all of the single ladies in the house. So...DicE 53...The Cut Rate Issue...Here it is and it's gonna crush your brain so hard!! Inside this very issue we have a whole array of beautiful 2 wheeled machines from around the world AND if that wasn't enough, we have the legendary 'Champ Road' Bozozuku magazine inside as our 16 page insert! Oh my...I'm feeling a little dizzy...

Gwen: [whispering] Richard! Richard, there's a man... in his underwear... in your kitchen.
Richard: [whispering] It's ok. He's with me. He's my, um... my butler.
Gwen: You have a butler?
Richard: Yeah, it's okay, shh... he'll go away.
Jack, Richard's Dad: [walks back from the kitchen, spots Richard and Gwen on the couch] Oh. Oh! I didn't realize you had company. Good evening, young lady.
Richard: That's all right, Monroe. Yes, would you just go lay out my blue pinstripe for the morning? Jack, Richard's Dad: How about if I lay you out?
Richard: Very well.
Photo: Jose Gallina.

Ok, here is the scenario. You get a lead on an old chopped Gennie Shovel that has been sitting for years and it might be for sale really cheap…do you: A. Go straight to Del Taco for a steak taco del carbon? B. Ask the guy who is selling if it’s as cool as the Honda civic you have now? C. Phone the guy and proceed to scream down the phone that you will chicken slap the shit out of him if he sells it to anyone else? Answer: Have you tasted those Taco Del Carbons? OMG They is AMAZING!!!
Tiffany's Honda CB350 shot by the lovely Troy Critchlow.

Michael Schmidt has a dog called Oscar and it's a right pain in the arse but he is super cute. He also has the most gorgeous legs! Michael that is, not Oscar.
Photo: Troy Critchlow.

2 words people, Majestic Unicorns. These girls from Vancouver, Canada are ruling it hard and taking no prisoners.

Rod: Ok, the safe word is “WHHiskey.”
Kevin: Sorry, Rod, What was that?
Rod: “WHHiskey”
Kevin: Don't you mean “Whiskey?”
Rod: WHHat?
Kevin: You're saying it weird.
Rod: Saying WHHat WHHeird?
Kevin: All of it.
Rod: WHHere do you get off?
Kevin: I just don't get why you’re saying it that way?
Rod: I'm saying WHHat, WHHat WHHay?
Kevin: Forget it.
Rod: I WHHill! I WHHill forget it!

Our friend Dave Polgreen's favourite things!!
Photo: Zac Doom

If you don’t like this bike you are mental. If you don’t like this version of 'Johnny Hit And Run Pauline' by 'X', you are beyond help.
Photo: Rachel Khachikian.

Oliver from Cut Rate does a punk rock 6 pager to sum up what it's all about mate!

Because I am total Chav I have started altering all my words in a chav stylee. This beez is well alroz. If the geez asked me to have a goz, I would for shoz. But it's raining todoz, so maybe tomoz. This caption is fucking ridoz.
Photo: Andy carter

I've said it before and I'll say it again…our mate Yak has a pet cat that is completely bonkers and he is called Peter! Ok check this out…I went over there once and he fucking jumped on me and started trying to sit on my head and shit, then he jumped on the computer screen, then he jumped straight out of the window! Me and poor Peter didn't know what to think! Hiyuken!
Photo: Yo Momma.

Because my Mum was born and raised for the first part of her life in Dublin I have a very slight Irish accent that can just barely be heard sometimes when I talk. Oi canny mind de guys name dat rode dis motorbike so oi apoligize but so'tiz pure soun' anyway. What? Rakel and her legs and her Shovelhead.
Photo: Jesper Bram.

Jason Webber's Knucklehead is wicked. Have you noticed anything different about the front end angle? You think it has been raked huh? Aha! It hasn't! It was actually ronked on the quarter sleeve, which bolts up to the half pipe. Chopper slang bro, if you don't understand from birth, you never will. Photo: Mark Chioniere.

Do you remember that bit in 'Saturday Night Fever' where Travolta looks at that girl on the dance floor when he has the white suit on and she's all like looking back at him and then he like just goes mental with the moves? Sweet right? Yep.
Drake McElroy and his 2006 Honda CR250R by Jordan Zielke.

Brian Jessop's Knucklehead is perfect and it gets ridden a lot all year round in Canada! So that means with the time difference he rides when we sleep and sleeps when we ride. Unless you live in Croatia, then he rides when you sleep and he sleeps on your ride? Wait, where are you for fucks sake?
Photo: Jordan Epp.

Brawny at Speed Merchant builds an amazing bikes. This is one of those bikes and to make it even sexier than it is already, we hired a young, ripped, gorgeous male model type to pose with it. Apparently this model has owned a few bikes in his time also and goes by the name of 'Denver Dan'. Photo: Alexander Szuch.

When I was at school I knew this div kid who was a right pain in the tits. The only reason I put up with him was because his dad had an old Triumph T110 and every time I went to his house I would always sneak off into the garage and just stare at this magnificent machine and imagine the day that I would own one myself. That burned into my mind and it changed me forever. It actually turned out to be a Moto Morrini with Triumph decals on it as I found out years later when I went to Bromley Paegent and saw the Morini owners club there. Turns out his Dad was a complete fucking moron also. I tell you who's not a div, Brandon at Mullins Chain Drive. He's the complete opposite and proves it by making a whole fucking wheel from scratch!
Photo: Ken Nagahara. is Shakti.

We have had a couple of complaints that whoever writes this shit should give more detail about the bike and less about the other stupid stuff that he usually spouts, so I would like to apologize and promise you from now on I will change. Regarding this article you see here…take 2 cloves of I'm going to punch you in your stupid fucking stupid ass face, then stir in 4 I don't give 2 shits and then cook for about and hour.

Carey Haider absolutely killed it with the photos for this article on Al from Blackboard Cafe and his righteous Panhead Chopper!
The End.
Photo: Carey Haider.

Buy your very own copy right HERE!

1 comment:

  1. It seems an awful long text to say Merry Christmas all the best for Dice and a prosperous New Year.